im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
