dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
We left the knife in your bed.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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