my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
