Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
