Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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