is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
