I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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