I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
