official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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