Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
She's the barista slut.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
