so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
