just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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