hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
