I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
