Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Randomize
