I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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