Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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