just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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