i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
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