Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
