his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
