Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
