Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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