YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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