drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
