dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
