Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
