There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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