How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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