you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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