FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
