U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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