If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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