dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
