I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
