my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
