Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I need moral support for this bender
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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