Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
