I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
