Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I love you. Go after that dick
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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