Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
