oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
