Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
