I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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