The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
