Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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