Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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