i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
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