Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
