this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
