How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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