Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize