i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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