my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
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