You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
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