I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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