Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
you will always have a special place in my vag
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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