He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
