my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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