Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
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