While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
