I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
