Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I think my nap took me to another dimension
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize