my phone needs a breathalizer
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
