i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
