i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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