I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Randomize
