the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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