Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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