the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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