Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
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