Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
