She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
