As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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