You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
