Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
